Sunday 25 January 2009

January is bad news for summer babies - official


While I sometimes think astrology is a lot of superstitious nonsense, January always seems the time when, with the post-Christmas anti-climax and the sun in my opposite sign of Capricorn, that bad things seem to happen. Bad or bad-ish things have happened to A, B and C this month (I'll spare their real names). A isn't too bad - she just can't get a job, and the prospects don't look too good. B had some problem, the details of which remain a mystery, and she also got sick. And C is probably in the worst situation of all, but I'll spare the gory details... But all three, like me, are June and July summer babies, Cancer, Leo and Gemini.


Well so what? Well A, B and C have all affected me in varying degrees, but, with the wisdom of experience I've learned to keep my head down this month, not try to do too much, not risk anything, and above all, avoid anything like a New Year Resolution.


All that said though, I'm beginning this week with a cautious sense of optimism. The sun has moved from Capricorn to Aquarius, a new moon heralds the Chinese New Year, with a solar eclipse thrown in for good measure. Time to start moving a bit more, leaving some things behind, seeking new openings.


Shakespeare wrote something about the fault not being in the stars but in ourselves. Which is probably true. But sometimes in this crazy world, the stars seem to provide as useful a framework as any for getting your head around things.

Thursday 22 January 2009

Life, friends, is boring...



" Life, friends, is boring" wrote John Berryman, in one of the best of the innumerable 'Dream Songs'. Well it is, sometimes, sometimes a lot of the time. You learn to live with it. Boring is quite easy really. Better than pain, or fear.
The problem is sometimes more one of finding yourself bored by things others seem content with - awful TV programmes, bad music, uninspiring work, whatever. The problem is always finding something worthwhile, something that keeps you awake on your own terms, for your own good, or somebody else's. And of staying awake enough and having enough energy for those moments.
Which can be a lot harder than mere boredom. As F. Scott wrote, echoing what seems to be my more or less constant theme, "All good writing is like swimming underwater and holding your breath."





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Picture: Hugh Weldon

Saturday 17 January 2009

Liminality





Another big word (like Saturnine) it just means being on the threshold, in between, neither in or out, home or away. I think I feel like this most of the time actually. But who can you tell these things to? ("Hi, how are you today? - Oh you know, feeling a bit liminal." Ha) Being Saturnine is being in the dark, under a heavy load, performing dutifully rather than freely. But being liminal can be worse, neither light nor dark, neither weighed down nor buoyed up, neither positive or negative. Dead time.






Yet more positively the liminal is the door to another world. In a Jean Cocteau film or an Aha video or maybe that turning you didn't take or window you didn't look through. It may be total illusion to believe in this - that these spaces can take you somewhere else, can move you forward to something deeper, can free up and open new space.




It can even be a door back into the past, as in Bernard Fallon's marvellous black and white pictures of Crosby and Liverpool in the 60s and 70s. The one of kids in the snow in Regent Road had an uncanny impact - you need to go to his website for it 13/29 in Liverpool: The Long Way Home portfolio http://www.bernardfallon.com/ - it's nothing to do with nostalgia funnily enough. More the feeling that I probably walked down that road that day, I was only a few minutes walk away when that picture was taken. The kid with the snowball in that frozen moment stands in for a me that used to be. But if I could go back and ask him how he might imagine himself in thirty years time, he would have as little idea as I would have had, fixed as he is in the sweet liminality of childhood.

Monday 5 January 2009

SATURNINE

The world is heavier
Darker and colder
Dead and heavy as grey lead

The streets are emptier
The wind is still
The moon is like a bent icicle

World bears no welcome
For anyone born tonight
And laughs at fools who think themselves
'In love' or 'at home'

It's a time for price-paying
For all joys to be deferred
While wary angels unsheath their swords

Friday 2 January 2009

Underwater (again)


Not sure why this theme or idea keeps coming back. But I just happened to watch old French classic film L'Atalante last night which has this amazing underwater sequence where a guy whose wife has just disappeared jumps overboard and swims underwater and has a sort of vision of her. Not that I have a wife who's disappeared, it's just that image of discovering something lost and desired. Underwater.


Must learn to swim...